Newlyweds

Will someone please find the person who implanted the idea in my mind that newlyweds were inherently happy? Will someone please find that poor bastard and shoot them for me?

Dating Kellen was AWESOME! We rarely argued, we were sweet to each other, we did our own laundry, and had our own space... "Let's get married!" we thought innocently! Now, here we are...

Before I continue, let me give you a little background about Kellen... He is a handsome, sweet guy, that has yet to figure out all of my intricacies. He has a laid back personality, coupled with the work ethic of an ox... one I have never seen duplicated! He is so dedicated to his education, and his job... almost to a fault! While he doesn't know the word romantic exists... he does try.... and I guess that is all I can ask for!

While there are things he does that make me looney, I wouldn't honestly change a thing about him. This blog is more to explore a thought I have about marriage.

Why is it, that once the license is filed, names are changed, and the "oh honey" phase wears off, all of a sudden, we no longer try to please the other one? I think now the whole idea is, "Well, she isn't going to dump me for leaving the toilet seat up," or "He will still love me if I don't do the dishes." Is it the living together part? I think it has a lot to do with it! While I have heard arguments for both living together before marriage, and for not; I have decided that it is a really good thing we did NOT live together beforehand! We may never have gotten married!

I tease him about this by saying "Babe, when we were dating, you'd say you would move mountains for me... now, I can't even get you to fold socks.... sounds like a damn country music song!" The thing is, I totally understand the feeling. There is something reassuring, and almost lazy about being married. You know he isn't going anywhere, so why try? Some days, I don't even get around to putting a bra on... (not that he would complain about that even if we weren't married!)

How do these happily married people get around these things? Is there a point that you reach where the way you behave is just so acceptable that it is no longer important to gripe about? I guess once our roles are defined more clearly (who gets up with the dog, who is responsible for making the bed, etc.) then it won't be such an issue. I just feel like I have been frustrated with our struggle to define the roles within our marriage... and I know he must be too. It is only through trial and error, blow ups and I'm sorry's, that we will find our groove. It also doesn't help that we live in a match box and can hear each other breathe! Someone told me today, that all she learned after 10 years... is that you lower your expectations! I think she was mostly right, but instead of saying "lower," I would just say "change."

The overall good news, I suppose, is that we are both willing to keep at it. We keep our friends/family on speed dial to vent every now and then (me probably more than him :) ) All I know is that I have a good man, and simple minded as he can be sometimes, I knew every aspect of who he was before I said "I do." Sometimes I just have to remind myself: "I STILL do!"