Questions about Catholicism

Recently I have been around several Catholic practices (a wedding, lent, Ash Wednesday, communion, etc.) and it has raised some questions that I even had to call up a Catholic friend to ask.

So, before I begin, let me include a disclaimer! This is in no way meant to criticize the Catholic religion, or say that it is wrong in any way! I just have some questions that I raised, that I really want answers to! I in no way think that I am better than any Catholic person, or that my religious beliefs are more right... this is not what this post is about!

The first question that I encountered was this: why can non-catholic Christians not partake in the communion ceremony? When I asked my Catholic friend, she explained to me that it was a sacrament, and it was very important to their religion. Another friend told me that "It's different for Catholics, because they actually believe that it is the body of Christ they are taking." Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that what all Christians believe? I understand that their are specific guidelines for communion in the Catholic church, but it just seems so contrary to not allow someone to participate.

The second question arises from something I happened to hear on the radio about it being Ash Wednesday, what people were giving up for Lent, etc. Someone on the morning show mentioned that they were giving up something for Lent, and the Catholic on the show said (something to the extent of) "Hey, you can't do that, you're not even Catholic!" And she said that it was something she was just trying to participate. Again, why would it be unacceptable for a non-catholic to partake in sacrificing something and participating in Lent if they are following the same beliefs and rituals that they are? Maybe it is not something mandated by a Christian church, but if someone gives something up, to represent the sacrifice that Christ made, and every time that they were tempted to partake in whatever they gave up, they stopped and prayed to the Lord, I don't see the harm.

So, I guess my overall perception of these recent events was that I was being excluded from traditionally Christian things... My overall question is why would you not want people to partake in rituals and practices that are so important to your religion? What harm could that inflict by allowing people to participate? Maybe using these things to show other people what you believe would be a good way to minister to others?

These are just some questions that have been bothering me lately. Hopefully expressing some of these concerns will help shed a little light on the situation for me!

When are you going to have babies?

Kellen and I have been married for a whopping seven months, and we cannot seem to escape the kid conversation. What is it about people that compels them to interject themselves into our business of child rearing?

I knew it would happen, but I also assumed our very young age would deter some people from going there.... nope! I guess I am just tired of having to repeat our list of reasons for not having children. I constantly must tell people "Oh, we are only 21 & 22... Kellen is still in school getting his masters, we don't have a house yet, we want to travel...." I am worried that response is about to involve explicatives, like "We are going to have kids when we BLEEPING want to!" or maybe "we will have kids when our birth control fails!"

I recently found an interesting little note, I had made a list of things I wanted to do before I had children! I made it my senior year of highschool (no telling what prompted it then)

• Be married (check)
• Go to Greece
• Have a house!
• Be out of school (check)
• Go on a cruise (check)
• Be at least 25
• Be ready and WANT children!!!

This was even before the economy was so bad that people are losing their houses! Babies are not cheap!

I really just want people in general to butt out. Kellen and I will let you know when there will be a little one running around. Until then, you will continue to get a Christmas card with me, Kellen, and Chewie on there. Maybe a plant next year, who knows?

So, please, people, leave us alone about making babies! Let us enjoy the quiet nights filled with sleep, the money we save by not spending it on diapers, the flat stomach without stretchmarks, and dinners without a highchair. Let us enjoy this time while we still have it... we have all the time in the world to have kids, and limited time to be alone!

24 hour trip to Temple

SO... Last weekend marks my second successful trip to Temple in a long while! I had such a fun, and limited trip, that made it easy for us all to get along!

I had a harsh realization that my sweet, cuddly bear brother, turned SEVEN. For those of you who don't know, seven is apparently the year where it is no longer cool for a boy to be excited that his sister is back in town. Seven is the year that Wii games trump kite flying, ice cream, and movies. DUH. He would rather play Shawn White Snowboarding than play with me :( My interaction literally went like this: I met the whole family at Cricket's in Waco, a nice bar where my Popo had bought everyone a round of beer, and the kids were playing videogames and pool... a really nice place. So I go up to Ty first, obviously, MY BABY! I go up to him, give him a HUGE HUG! Kiss him, the works... and he is excited for, oh, about a second and a half, before he realizes that I am impacting his score on the golf game he has weaseled a quarter out of someone for. (by the way, he hates that I have no money on me, ever!) So, he immediately asks me "what did you get me for my birthday?" (little brat) and I told him that I was going to give him money... You would have thought I killed his dog... he was heartbroken. He did NOT want money, he wanted a Nintendo DS, or a Something Something Something Transformer!!! I explained to him that he had so many toys he didn't even know what was new or old, so I was going to give him "lots of money to put in his savings account so that when he was Hailey's age, he could buy a car too." (by the way, he wants a monster truck, cute!) He was still not having it, how could I do this to him?! My presence was trumped by our cousins' being there because, "Ugh, Lauren... they play games with meeee!!" Devastating!

One of my favorite parts of this weekend was spending time with my wonderful sister!! She has recently gone on her first date with a really nice guy, who we all met this weekend! BRAVE! I really like him and I am so happy for Hailey that she is having fun being sixteen! She is at a really great point in her life, the prospect of her own car, the freedom that comes along with it, the allure of a new boyfriend, and the tantalizing details of all that comes with a new boyfriend at sixteen!! I can still remember that time in my life and it was so exhilirating! I am just so proud of the person my sister has become, and the person she always has been! My sister is truly one of a kind... she has patience beyond her years, a generous heart, a beautiful nature, and I know that she is going to be my best friend for life! I am SO lucky to have a sister like her, the unconditional love that comes with the alliance we have had for so many years! (by the way, she is five years younger than me and still looks like she is older... it's not fair!) I really enjoy all the time I have with her!

I always have a good time with good ol' dad! He is probably one of the most constant things in my life... his nature, spirits, attitude, are all things I can count on! I love seeing him always, but this time was better because mom and I were getting along too! One of the things that I noticed about my mom on this trip was that she was behaving in a way that was unselfish, for most of the time I was there. She specifically did things she may not have wanted to do, but she did them anyways to benefit other people, me included! My nannie wanted her to go shopping... she didn't spend any money, but she went anyways. My sister wanted to drive us around in her prospective new car (which is a big deal because my mom does not leave her comfort zone) and she allowed it, AND she let my sister show off this car to one of her friends on the way to where we were going! (trust me, I know a battle won when I see one!) She also deliberately allowed time for me to see my dad's office... this was a really big deal to me. She was very pleasant, and was even making an effort to have a good time with me!

Overall, this weekend was a success... my grandparents celebrated their forty fifth wedding anniversary, my brother turned seven, my sister has a new boyfriend and first real date, my parents were pleasant... who could ask for anything more?

Cell Phone Etiquette 101

To those of you who use cell phones (EVERYBODY), Listen up!

There are some basic etiquette rules that are being blatantly ignored, and if the trend continues, I will cease communication with the offenders!

Rule #1- Ringbacks:
To those of you who think your favorite song will amuse everyone who calls you, you are wrong. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you changed it every now and then... but when the same horrendous tune plays every time I call you, it makes me want to slowly murder you once I get you on the phone! Especially when it is a tune you recorded yourself, and the static is so loud I can't even understand the lyrics!

Rule #2- Voicemails:
This voicemail inclination really baffles me. Has anyone else noticed the progression of the alerts on your phone? First, you see you have "1 Voicemail." 'Grrrrreat,' I think to myself. Then you hear, "HAAAAY, Lauren! It's MOM!!! Call me back, BYE!" So, then, I end my call to the voicemail, and have you ever noticed, that right there, it tells you "1 Missed Call- Mom"? (the EXACT same information). Funny... had there been no voicemail, I still would have known that mom called, and that I needed to call her back.

What's worse than that, is when people leave BAD NEWS on your voicemail! Like, could you be more heartless!? Why would you do that? Couldn't it have waited until I called you back, so I wouldn't be in agony while I tried (in vain) to call you back?!?! "Lauren, Call me back immediately! There has been an accident, it doesn't look good!" Or when my mom leaves bad news, in a cheerful tone: "Hey Lauren, I just got a 1099 form in the mail for you!! (melodiously) It looks like you will have to file an amendment on your taxes! Call me back!"

Rule #3- The 'Reject' Button
This one really gets my blood boiling. It is just RUDE! There is absolutely NO reason that someone should use the 'Reject' button on their cell phone! If you don't want to answer, just hit the silent button on the side. Do NOT (unless you hate them) hit the freaking 'Reject' button! ESPECIALLY if you just called them and left them a message to call you back!

These are the main ones I feel that are continually violated. It is really disheartening to continue to communicate with these offenders!

My "Mom" Closet

So, most of you who read this undoubtedly know that I went to counseling last year to confront some personal issues I have had with my mother. While I only went a few times, I feel like I coped with a lot.

I stopped going to my counselor because I felt like she was astounded by the stories I told her... not a reassuring sign. She also tried to explore issues she thought were underlying about my dad. WRONG MOVE. I should have told her I was a daddy's girl first, but once she went down that road, and kept at it, I was out of there! First of all, if I DO have issues with my dad that I am currently unaware of, I want to continue to be unaware of them. Second of all, lets focus on why I am here, lady... the mom thing!

I just deleted several paragraphs of details, because I don't think there can be any semblance of organization of thoughts, or enough information storage allowed on this blog, to go into depth some of the experiences I have had with my mother. Let me summarize by explaining the metaphor that has helped salvage my sanity.

While discussing some things in counseling, I expressed how tired I was of being angry... How much I wanted to let go of so many issues. My problem was that every time I think they are gone, I go back to Temple, and the same person is still there, and the same issues come back up!

I told her that I wanted to do some spring cleaning in my "mom" closet. I needed to throw out some things that I have been storing in there for so long! I need to let go of so much! I have some dusty, but deep boxes in there, that just need to be tossed already. I really had to work on completely changing what I expected from my mom. All this time I had a very clear, distinct idea of what I needed/wanted from a mother. From my mother. Finally, I had to tell myself, "Why are you focusing on what you didn't have? You are 21 years old, and we can't go back and do it over again... what is it that you need from her now?"

It is true... I am done with the dances, there are no more chances for shopping trips for that "perfect dress." There are no more highschool events that she may go to in the future. She has already missed out on all that. SHE missed out. SHE missed out on a great time in my life. I missed a mother, but SHE missed ME. I really should feel bad that she didn't let herself have those experiences, right?

Well, the bittersweet part is that she gets a "re-do." She has a second daughter. I have no second mom. While you should know, that I LOVE my sister, and I think she is a SAINT, she got the mom I wanted. She got the "interested in your day" mom, the "want to be at your games" mom, the "lets do something together" mom. That is a mom I never had.

That is one of those boxes that still sits in my "mom" closet. While I did get rid of the box that held my insecurities about having children of my own (because what if I repeated the behaviors?), I also finally got rid of the box that held my anger about the way Ty's childhood was handled. Those things I can honestly say I am over. I love my brother, and I can't change those things now... and I know, at this point, that there is NO way I can repeat the behaviors that I so despised. I will probably end up overcompensating the other way, actually. So I was able to compile, instead of the mother I didn't want to be, more of a list of what kind of a mother I did want to be. It was very therapeutic.

I am still working on healing the wounds from my wedding.. those might take a while... But I was able to sit down and think about what it is I really needed from my mom. Now, I know that I don't really need a whole lot from her: an ear to listen when Kellen and I argue... a check-in call to make sure we are both alive and quick update on the family... distance... hee hee.

I am at a point in my life where I don't need my mom for much.. so if I don't expect a whole lot, I get disappointed less. This has really worked for me the last few months, and I am even going to tag along on a work trip with her in March. We are going to California. Do I think this will make us closer... who the hell knows? But the key is that I don't expect it to. If it does, it does. If not, no biggie either... at least there will be good scenery and lots of wine!

I learned that having a "good" relationship doesn't always mean having a "close" relationship. Now, I am not even sure that I want a close one, just a civil one. We will most likely fundamentally disagree throughout the majority of our lives, but with an expectation of nothing less, at least we will be able to swap gifts at Christmas!

So that is where I am now... still actively cleaning out my "mom" closet, and trust me it is a lot bigger than the one we have at our matchbox apartment! It will take a while, but with time, and a HUGE dumpster... one day I will sort it all out!

Newlyweds

Will someone please find the person who implanted the idea in my mind that newlyweds were inherently happy? Will someone please find that poor bastard and shoot them for me?

Dating Kellen was AWESOME! We rarely argued, we were sweet to each other, we did our own laundry, and had our own space... "Let's get married!" we thought innocently! Now, here we are...

Before I continue, let me give you a little background about Kellen... He is a handsome, sweet guy, that has yet to figure out all of my intricacies. He has a laid back personality, coupled with the work ethic of an ox... one I have never seen duplicated! He is so dedicated to his education, and his job... almost to a fault! While he doesn't know the word romantic exists... he does try.... and I guess that is all I can ask for!

While there are things he does that make me looney, I wouldn't honestly change a thing about him. This blog is more to explore a thought I have about marriage.

Why is it, that once the license is filed, names are changed, and the "oh honey" phase wears off, all of a sudden, we no longer try to please the other one? I think now the whole idea is, "Well, she isn't going to dump me for leaving the toilet seat up," or "He will still love me if I don't do the dishes." Is it the living together part? I think it has a lot to do with it! While I have heard arguments for both living together before marriage, and for not; I have decided that it is a really good thing we did NOT live together beforehand! We may never have gotten married!

I tease him about this by saying "Babe, when we were dating, you'd say you would move mountains for me... now, I can't even get you to fold socks.... sounds like a damn country music song!" The thing is, I totally understand the feeling. There is something reassuring, and almost lazy about being married. You know he isn't going anywhere, so why try? Some days, I don't even get around to putting a bra on... (not that he would complain about that even if we weren't married!)

How do these happily married people get around these things? Is there a point that you reach where the way you behave is just so acceptable that it is no longer important to gripe about? I guess once our roles are defined more clearly (who gets up with the dog, who is responsible for making the bed, etc.) then it won't be such an issue. I just feel like I have been frustrated with our struggle to define the roles within our marriage... and I know he must be too. It is only through trial and error, blow ups and I'm sorry's, that we will find our groove. It also doesn't help that we live in a match box and can hear each other breathe! Someone told me today, that all she learned after 10 years... is that you lower your expectations! I think she was mostly right, but instead of saying "lower," I would just say "change."

The overall good news, I suppose, is that we are both willing to keep at it. We keep our friends/family on speed dial to vent every now and then (me probably more than him :) ) All I know is that I have a good man, and simple minded as he can be sometimes, I knew every aspect of who he was before I said "I do." Sometimes I just have to remind myself: "I STILL do!"